Together: Oh yeah!
Joel: Birth Of A Nation, that's one boring movie, man.

Do you do your own shopping?

Together: Yeah.
Ethan: For groceries?

Yes, so how much is a pint of milk?

Ethan: Well, it's more than . . . Together: Sixty-nine cents... A dollar something? Ethan: Oh, not for a pint that's a quart. Joel: I've never really bought a pint. That's a very small amount, it runs out too quick, it's not really worth it.

Where is your Achille's heel?

Together: It's the back of your ankle isn't it?
Joel: That's too abstract man. Next.

Which biblical character do you most relate to?

Ethan: Balaam.
Joel: Solomon.

Why? Joel: He slept for 40 years. (to Ethan) Balaam couldn't get off his ass, right?
Ethan: Couldn't move his ass.

What is the worst smell in the world?

Joel: Have you ever been to Gary, Indiana? There's some shit there in the air, I don't know what it is.
Ethan: You know, there is something also in Wilmington, North Carolina, a paper mill, which for some reason smells abominably. It must be something to do with the paper process.
Joel: There's also a fruit in Asia called Durian, it smells almost like vomit. And there are signs in all the taxi cabs that say like "No Durian". The taste isn't so bad, it's the smell.
Ethan: Also, some of those cheeses that the French pretend to like.

What is the strangest place you have vomited?

Ethan: I went on a field trip to St. Paul, the state capital of Minnesota. I was poorly. There is a large rotunda in the capitol building with a star, because Minnesota is the North Star State and I actually vomited on the star. You're not even supposed to walk on the star and I vomited on it. That's the most memorable place.

Would you like to be buried or cremated?

Joel: I haven't really given it much thought. I guess if I had to make a decision I would probably have to say cremated. I'm not sure why.

Do you have a fear of waking up in a coffin?

Joel: Yeah, that is a fear I don't even want to think about. Better to get burned up.

What's the message on your answerphone?

Joel: We had one at the office that was: "You have reached the office of Circle Arizona, Circle Productions, Usually of Hudsucker, Hudsucker Industries, Hudsucker Immigrations, and all of the other companies under the Hudsucker umbrella, no one is in right now but please leave a message." Most people hung up in the middle of the message...
Ethan: We got one message saying "Oh my God I've got the wrong number, and I am calling from Buenos Aires, but it was worth it." Then he hung up.

How far is too far?

Joel: Again, that's too abstract... What else you got there?

What was the first album you bought?

Ethan: The soundtrack to Easy Rider, which is the movie I saw when I was ten years old. I actually got a couple of Steppenwolf albums after that. Rock 'n' roll man,!
Joel: I had one of those Columbia Record Club deals, where I got 12 records for a dollar each and subsequently ignored all correspondence on the matter. I don't know what was in there. It was like Iron Butterfly, that kind of shit.
Ethan: A Group Called Smith.
Joel: Yeah, he-heh, A Group Called Smith.

How do you behave when you are drunk?

Ethan: Oh you know, the usual: slurred speech . . .
Joel: Back-slapping! Boring stories . . .
Ethan: . . . Singing old songs. Steppenwolf. The anthems of youth.
Joel: Getting horribly sentimental.

Have you ever looked at underwear in catalogues?

Joel: Yeah, we get them in the mail. The catalogues I mean, not the underwear.

How many bottles of champagne in a magnum?

Joel: I don't know, I don't drink champagne. There are all those different things. Jeroboams and Nebuchadnezzars.
Ethan: Didn't Mr. Creosote order a jeroboam of champagne?
When was the last time you cleaned your bathroom?

Joel: You know, I haven't cleaned my bathroom in a very long time. Not that it isn't cleaned. I have a cleaning lady that comes in.
Ethan: Yeah, me too. So, I haven't done it for a while. I mopped the kitchen floor the other day, does that count?

Yeah, that counts.

Joel (incredulous): Why does that count?
Ethan: I used a mop, you know. I interpreted the question a little more broadly.

Were you a teenage rebel?

Ethan: Oooh, Jeez. Not really, cutting school was as far as it got.
Joel: Cutting school sounds more like a teenage conformist actually.

Where do you go when you die?

Joel: Too abstract.
Ethan: I know, but I'm not telling.

What's the best thing you've ever stolen from a hotel?

Ethan: He's got ash-trays from the White House.
Joel: I'm a tax payer, they belong to the people. I've also taken ash trays from the Hotel D'Cap in Antibes.
Ethan: You're entitled to the little shampoo things, right?
Joel: Yeah, but you're not meant to go round to all the different bathrooms collecting them.

Have you lied since we started talking?

Ethan: Yeah, the "Where do you go when you die?" thing. That aside I don't think so.
Joel: No. Can I see the ones you haven't asked? (He takes Empire's question sheet) "Is your belly button in or out? Did you ever wet the bed?" See you didn't ask the good ones... "Do you use nail scissors or clippers? Do you use regular or concentrated washing powder?"
Ethan: I use regular.
Joel: I use the liquid stuff and conditioner.
Ethan: I don't used any of that conditioner shit.
Joel (continuing from the sheet): Have you ever suffered from premature ejaculation? On a scale of one to ten how hairy is your bum? Okay, I think we did quite well.